Long Time No Read

Boy Series 1986It has been very along time… I’ve been away in my head for a bit. And decidedly so. It was 2013 since I last wrote and I guess I just needed to have time to process. At times I think we just exist while we are internally sifting through all the layers to see what we should keep. And for what to let go of.

My relocation was like that. I relieved myself of lots of left over life that I did not need. I have found many times I still am doing that. Some things lingering that need a new existence. No longer necessary. Going thru left overs in my head and in my physical world. And feeling refreshed from it. I feel like I have tipped the scale now and am on the other side of all that. It must be about grief. Sad addressing it but good after its gone. Lost love and stuff that suggests the past. As I let go I find a better more settled sense of self.

Dying and living and working and breathing is a lot. No one can do it except you. I have been out of touch for this time frame with intent to understand things that have happened in my life. To relate to them simply for future reference. I was scared in my new world. I rarely saw someone who could make it better. A few years of processing and most of it has been me coping with heart failure and moving and love loss and it all seemed to be a barrel full of pain and poor me and yet doors open slowly. I have met people that I call friends.. I lost my sweet Hunter of 12 years. Kobi and I are creating a new fresh sense of relating. I have been just doing what I have to do in full contemplation of all the newness around me. It took some getting used to living in town. It took almost a year to climb out from under my rock each morning and go to work. Simply to process each day calmly and without expectations. Just being.

2016 is a so very different. I recognized it like an aha moment … I think its just time… which is the best healer. I feel more comfortable. The learning curve of my life now seems to be in favor of my happiness. I’ve settled with the studio and made nice changes. The balance of coping with life versus simply being is better and I think “being” is in favor. Its all a personal process and you can share it with whom ever you like according to the outcome. I am simply better and I guess it took a bit of time. We really only have the time that we offer ourselves. Life is better and I have happily been relating to myself and opening up to others. My heart and soul are back into creativity and this year has more clarity. I feel better in essence and excited for the newness I am recognizing. I guess It’s all about patience.

Wishing you all patience Till next time. “)