GreenmanHere is one for ya… I had a mishap while heading to New York for a show a couple of months ago,  American Art Marketing’s American Fine Craft Show NYC.

I was very excited for this show…not that it had a reputation for greatness, but that I had done so much to improve my little intimate store I put up every time there is a show for me to do. I spiffed it up. I made a new scarf rack that would allow all to be shown and easily taken off…painted it, rigged it to hang off the wall and be effortless to ship. Mostly it would be easy to look at a scarf. Doing that increased my display area for more coats to show. I like showing the one-of-a-kinds face out. I’m proud of them. I was cleaning my act up and ready to go. New lights and all. I was ready for the show.

Just one thing…my body was not in agreement. I cannot tell you what happened but that I collapsed on the floor after one load had been delivered to my booth area. I don’t remember the spill I took but do remember people reviving me and hovering over it all like it was a moving picture show. At some point I recognized who it was they were caring for and then awoke in the hospital. I was in an induced hypothermia coma for 7 days. My heart gave out. Still trying to put those pieces together. My sister was there…bless her.

I am sure it was the stress of it all and of my life over the last few years. I think maybe I was performing an act of “I can do this all on my own”. I had not let go of any of the leftovers from my only relationship…I did not deal with it. I did not know how. I was so hurt that I simply shelved it.

I spent 19 days in that hospital and it was a hard place to be in. Held on to my life force for all I could. Hard to heal in those environments!

I have been home for a while now and the Holidays are all over and I have trimmed this blog from an epic tragedy to a retrospective view.

My heart is about love regardless of the mechanics and the silly way we treat it. It’s about love and how you love and are loved by others. I have been in a place most of my life and I simply did not understand that. Regardless of why we have certain emotional embraces, we have them and learn lessons simply or grandly from them. I don’t think I understood what love really is ’til this happened.

A big choice now is to open up to one and all and be the blessing and the miracle that seems to have allowed me to write this. I just want to say I love you all and cherish you more now than I ever have.

Going to do what I love and that is fabric and creating. Just going to scale it down so I can be happy and love what I do and not try to make it the only thing in my life. Keep it on the creative side and let only a few places show my work. I believe I can do my best work that way. Keeping it simple.

That seemingly will grant me happiness with work and it will give me time to cherish the lovely people around me that I have not been loving outwardly and letting love me.

On a final note. The love I do express outwardly is for my boys and with a simple picture of them in that Hospital…I believe they kept my spirits high enough to stick around. love you boys.

Your dad and your friend,